2019年1月15日

I was thinking to find a part-time job to cover my life expense a little bit, and I did. It just something like waitress. I don’t know and I just think I could get the tips right away. Yes you can say cash.

It should be fine I think since it’s not bothering me my full time’s. To be honest, however, I was a little bit embarrassed about going to meet the owner because I thought I would never have to do this again in my life ever.

Anyway it’s not a big deal. It just brings some memories up to my mind.

Last night I just uploaded a set of photos which were photographed in 2017 to my portfolio. It was a day of very last-minute fall, around Nov 28,2017. I was still working overnight in Walmart during that time, always shuttling by bus route 1 my apartment and work. Every morning I just got on the bus in Richmond and Oxford, going through Huron St. And then the but just slightly turns into Regent St, Regent St in Waterloo’s, in Colborne’s and in Mainland’s. After passing Regent and Mainland’s, the bus just turn left into William St, which is a bid turn, going back to Huron St. Next it stops in Adelaide and Huron, where a Tim Hortons is as well.

I had seen the changes of sceneries in those streets for days, from fall to winter. That are the beautiful moments  during that tough period, also my lifetime. Seeing the leaves of trees have been changing the colour day by day, you had already sensed you were just likely to leave for soon. Those fallen leaves just like the final gift the city gave me.

I can’t exactly remember how was the day, but I do still remember that I had told myself for few days about bringing the camera to Regent St, otherwise leaves wouldn’t stayed long even they were lying on the streets for days already.

I saw my instant camera with a Tim Hortons cup were in my shots of the film camera. What’s more , the first shot of the set is the view of my apartment. Then I pretty sure I went back home first and took the gears out for shooting. Meanwhile, I bought a medium French Vanilla, which was no mark on.

It was a shiny day, and a bit windy. I still remember I was standing in the street without doing anything, but just letting the sunlight spread all over my face. Hair was flying over, eyes were closing over, and the cars, were stopping over. Yes there are lots of stop signs and I pretty sure drivers love them. So do I.

When I was processing the uploading, I kind of messed up since it has been 1 year from my last update in Feb, 2018. I just couldn’t know how came my “new adding” wasn’t under one of my galleries instead of popping up on the main bar. Finally I found out. And… I could still saw the words that I wrote in Mar 2017, when I first build this portfolio. I said:

Basically every project is(was) created when I am(was) a photography student in Fanshawe College. I think they are probably the best work I’ve done if… if I had no chance to be involved in this industry anymore. When you love something, go to know it. I want to own it but it’s not that I can control. Never. Anyway I like photography. It has been part of my life for long. I feel grateful that I keep in touch with it in every single day in past two years. I don’t feel sorry if I couldn’t make you be more important in my future life because I am(was) so so so happy now(before). (March 1, 2017)

I have been asking myself about a question in recent days since the situation isn’t stable . It’s always unstable I know. Do you regret? Do you regret that you gave up the study for BBA instead learning photography and just got a diploma?

What the answer just popped up at that moment was… I couldn’t deny the truth that I couldn’t get the job right away and I have to do others for living. I couldn’t deny that I had been upset and anxious for few months. However, I couldn’t deny that if I didn’t learning photography, I would ask myself the same question when I couldn’t find the job related to BBA whatever.

I still remember that the overnight job requires the reference. I sent an email to my coordinator, asking if he could be my reference for my overnight job. He didn’t reply me with yes/or, but sent me a job post which is to be a photographer in Backcomb, Whistler. I didn’t sent the resume until January 2018, which is late since they only need ppl for from Dec to April in next year. And… It’s the other side of this country. I wouldn’t know if I really have that courage to go even they really considered me. I didn’t even want to move to Toronto at that moment. I had thousands of expectations of my life there. Just like…… I was thinking to buy a TV from my friend, watching Neflix after work every night.

The fallen leaves have buried my fantasy and…..hopelessness.

Finger crossed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Films

 

Feb 30th

If there was 30th of February,

I am going to marry you.

I didn’t have this feeling quite long

Thank you.

-end-