2019年2月8日

我最近不怎麼喜歡用微信找人了,有什麼事情要找對方就朝對方打電話。比如說我boss找我有事打的語音電話我錯過了,我一見馬上就是按電話回去。比如說我昨晚給我房東太太買髮膠,我站在琳瑯滿目的貨架前面,在想是要買噴霧型的呢,還是塗抹型的?是要挑給卷髮用的還是挑適用於所有頭髮的呢?買潘婷的好還是歐萊雅的呢?

打字好呢還是語音呢?

還是一個電話打過去,解決了。就買潘婷那款塗抹型的。

也許這樣的改變,對於我而言,是件好事。

 

今早去了公民入籍宣誓儀式。對,我一個非加拿大籍且不是永久居民拿著open工簽的新聞工作者,去參加了一個加拿大公民入籍宣誓儀式。恰逢農曆新年,儀式開始前特地進行了舞獅表演。誒,可不是中國人敲鑼打鼓舞的獅,而是一個黑人小哥和棕色小哥打得鼓,一個亞裔戴眼鏡的女人敲的鑼。至於舞獅的兩個高大中東那邊膚色的小哥,舞完獅還未來得及退場,已經沒忍住取下獅子,變腼腆地笑著邊喘氣。哈!平時都沒注意到原來一頭獅子兩個人舞,後面那個人全程都是拱著腰的,興許是這兩個太高了。不過剛剛那獅子屁股扭得可起勁。

大家都看得可樂了,小孩子害怕又大笑地躲著沖他們懟過來的獅子頭,還有一些人襯獅子在過道裡走來時,就把頭靠向獅子,來了個自拍。

可不曉得他們多麼得愛傳統農曆春節裡的這些大獅子。就像咱們愛那聖誕老人和他的一群鹿一樣。

全場座無虛席,大家都在期待著10點的來臨,宣誓的來臨。現場中國人的面孔倒不多。前面移民法官在說話,我拍完照往回走,一個穆斯林戴頭巾的女人朝我遞過手機,眼睛和手都是在請求我能不能到前面給她拍下說話的那些人。我接過手機,把相機單邊掛到右肩,上前去替她拍下了移民法官說話多多樣子。

我相信,這是加拿大這個國家吸引人的地方。

宣誓的時候,他們都舉著右手,跟著移民法官念誓詞,無論是否新公民。我雙手拿著相機,聽著他們大概先念的是法語,接著是英語,聲音變得洪亮。很短的一段話,我卻不禁地眼角濕潤了起來。

我覺得其實我不是一個好的工作者,因為我過於感性。當然我是趕緊地舉起照相機,尋找對象,避免了流淚。

移民法官先是來到坐輪椅的老人家面前,蹲下朝她遞過入籍證書。她開心地笑了,她可能什麼都沒聽懂,但是她現在懂了。她望了望手上的證書和加拿大國旗,抬頭剛好望向我,毫不掩飾自己的牙齒笑了,笑得很開心,彎起了眼睛。然後又轉到右邊,周圍的人都望著她笑,她頭又轉到左邊,又望向了我。她後面的那個年輕女人輕輕拍了拍她的肩膀,她回過頭去。

「Congratulations.」

Congratulations.

我怕再多待一會兒我會收不住情緒,趕緊走開了。

有多少人,為了這一天奮鬥著?其實……磨掉了這麼多年時光之後,早已習慣了這裡的空氣,回去,那已經是廊橋遺夢罷了。

 

「I swear that I will faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth Ⅱ, Queen of Canada, Her Heirs and Successors, and that I will faithfully observe the laws of Canada and fulfil my duties as a Canadian Citizen.」

2019年1月15日

I was thinking to find a part-time job to cover my life expense a little bit, and I did. It just something like waitress. I don’t know and I just think I could get the tips right away. Yes you can say cash.

It should be fine I think since it’s not bothering me my full time’s. To be honest, however, I was a little bit embarrassed about going to meet the owner because I thought I would never have to do this again in my life ever.

Anyway it’s not a big deal. It just brings some memories up to my mind.

Last night I just uploaded a set of photos which were photographed in 2017 to my portfolio. It was a day of very last-minute fall, around Nov 28,2017. I was still working overnight in Walmart during that time, always shuttling by bus route 1 my apartment and work. Every morning I just got on the bus in Richmond and Oxford, going through Huron St. And then the but just slightly turns into Regent St, Regent St in Waterloo’s, in Colborne’s and in Mainland’s. After passing Regent and Mainland’s, the bus just turn left into William St, which is a bid turn, going back to Huron St. Next it stops in Adelaide and Huron, where a Tim Hortons is as well.

I had seen the changes of sceneries in those streets for days, from fall to winter. That are the beautiful moments  during that tough period, also my lifetime. Seeing the leaves of trees have been changing the colour day by day, you had already sensed you were just likely to leave for soon. Those fallen leaves just like the final gift the city gave me.

I can’t exactly remember how was the day, but I do still remember that I had told myself for few days about bringing the camera to Regent St, otherwise leaves wouldn’t stayed long even they were lying on the streets for days already.

I saw my instant camera with a Tim Hortons cup were in my shots of the film camera. What’s more , the first shot of the set is the view of my apartment. Then I pretty sure I went back home first and took the gears out for shooting. Meanwhile, I bought a medium French Vanilla, which was no mark on.

It was a shiny day, and a bit windy. I still remember I was standing in the street without doing anything, but just letting the sunlight spread all over my face. Hair was flying over, eyes were closing over, and the cars, were stopping over. Yes there are lots of stop signs and I pretty sure drivers love them. So do I.

When I was processing the uploading, I kind of messed up since it has been 1 year from my last update in Feb, 2018. I just couldn’t know how came my “new adding” wasn’t under one of my galleries instead of popping up on the main bar. Finally I found out. And… I could still saw the words that I wrote in Mar 2017, when I first build this portfolio. I said:

Basically every project is(was) created when I am(was) a photography student in Fanshawe College. I think they are probably the best work I’ve done if… if I had no chance to be involved in this industry anymore. When you love something, go to know it. I want to own it but it’s not that I can control. Never. Anyway I like photography. It has been part of my life for long. I feel grateful that I keep in touch with it in every single day in past two years. I don’t feel sorry if I couldn’t make you be more important in my future life because I am(was) so so so happy now(before). (March 1, 2017)

I have been asking myself about a question in recent days since the situation isn’t stable . It’s always unstable I know. Do you regret? Do you regret that you gave up the study for BBA instead learning photography and just got a diploma?

What the answer just popped up at that moment was… I couldn’t deny the truth that I couldn’t get the job right away and I have to do others for living. I couldn’t deny that I had been upset and anxious for few months. However, I couldn’t deny that if I didn’t learning photography, I would ask myself the same question when I couldn’t find the job related to BBA whatever.

I still remember that the overnight job requires the reference. I sent an email to my coordinator, asking if he could be my reference for my overnight job. He didn’t reply me with yes/or, but sent me a job post which is to be a photographer in Backcomb, Whistler. I didn’t sent the resume until January 2018, which is late since they only need ppl for from Dec to April in next year. And… It’s the other side of this country. I wouldn’t know if I really have that courage to go even they really considered me. I didn’t even want to move to Toronto at that moment. I had thousands of expectations of my life there. Just like…… I was thinking to buy a TV from my friend, watching Neflix after work every night.

The fallen leaves have buried my fantasy and…..hopelessness.

Finger crossed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Films

 

Sushi

It is always a small town when is compared with Toronto.

However I’ve never been this restaurant before

and it has a romantic atmosphere that makes me

really want to come again

as customers.

 

There are a lot of places have been fading before you get the chances

One day we will be grateful finally get the one to explore the world together.

 

   Should be never mind.

 

 

 

 

– End –

DAYS

We went to church on Monday.

The professor told us in most Canadian church weddings,

bride’s mother will light the candles and then bride and  groom will grab one of  candles in each side , lighting the centre candle.)

I finished my last day work at college on last  Friday.

From that moment on Friday, my green keyring holds only one key.

He’s alone.

So do I.

I was late for work again last Tuesday.

Just few minutes.

The room ‘s light was off but the music from computer is on.

They  pretend the didn’t know I was late : )

But they used to remind me do not be late for work. Always.

Get your coffee and bagel before 8 am.

I asked them if I could come at 9am on Friday

I want to make sure I won’t be late in my last day.

And I didn’t.

But the time sheet they didn’t change.

And then I told them .

I signed a lease today.

I am thinking to have a small studio in my future one bedroom apartment.

I  used to  think having my own business is far away from me

right now still

But just give  myself a chance

want to close to what I care

-end-

1997

Have you realized that it has been 20 years since 1997. The guest speaker today was one of the judge in this year’s image competition. What is more interesting is that he was our Fanshawe photography student 20 years ago.

He mentioned a beautiful word called “analog” today. It was just impressed if you heard that how they make the “key line” for their photos when they mounted on the matte boards. Anyway I want to say I was confused yesterday because I did hot mounted and cold mounted together in the same day? And I don’t know how I can finish them… I think I messed up already and I need to go to youtube to learn again soon T_T But I’ve learned a lot from the setting up the gallery show.

Oh.. come back to today’s guest speaker. He’s pretty real person and said what he wants to say. 🙂 That won’t make me feel I want to know his work more. Instead of it, he brought his works created in 20yrs before. From B/W to colour, below average to excellent.

I just feel very cherished that there is a person keeps pieces photos for 20 years, and they look so well, clean and no damage. Don’t you get that? It’s much more worthy then many beautiful words.

 

“It’s free critic. No one will tell you what’s wrong or good.

When you apply a job, only YES or NO. No reason.”

 

He also mentioned his study experience in Fanshawe College.

 

” When I was Fanshawe, it(photography)’s a full analog program.

After that, everything has changed to digital.

My film experience is done.”

 

How many photographers gave up at that point?

 

” I really lucky that we had a teacher call.. .

He let everything done in camera.

If off colour, put the gel on there window.

If there is dust, clean it. Not edit in digital(photoshop?).”

 

” If you really want to be a truly expert in your field,

you need to understand all the related fields.

Like you have to know how to clean product, if you were a

commercial (photographer).

you need to know how to stylize, if you were in interior

design photography.

And make up. What if the make up artist didn’t come out, can

assistant help that?”

 

” Because understand her(his) market,

you can get consistent business.”

 

I really like his architecture and automotive work. Because I like these two kinds of photography as well. p I also like portrait. But

 

” Do you guys like portrait? I hate it.

Because I can’t move (them) around.

I can move products around.

You don’t know their(people) personalities.”

 

” 3 days work(film) right now probably only 10 mins capture(Digital).”

 

I always think film will be more and more important again in our photography field. Because digital makes it become simple and easy. I mean compare to film. If your really liked photography, you will probably be involved in film. At least I am think about it. But everything has to be step by step. Digital is a tool for me to learn and practice, and then I can enter the real photography world. I mean, less business, more art. : )

Last night was so quickly. It probably because I went there late. It’s the first time I have my photo be hung up in the gallery. Probably the last time as well. I remembered that day a young female judge wanted to rescore because she thought it was such a beautiful scene.And those other judge said ” It just need more editorial. We’ve seen so many photos of northern light. They are so amazing. This just has to be emphasized. Above average is the score I want to give.”

I was so happy at that moment even it just above average(76) but not good(80). I remember my first year I only got 52 and 69. I don’t have 3rd year. I just hope that I have many many years after school that I still keep in touch with it, even not that kind involve in this photography. You know life just can’t be as perfect as we want. What I can do is that choosing a way that I can accept.

That day there was a fine art student came to for print his photos. I was always thinking I am going to learn fine art or interior design after 3 year work. Just like learning photography. Do what I like but do not expect that it can be your tool for earn your living. Will I be more happy and comfortable to spend time or call it “invest money” in these fields? Yes.

Wow, do I mean that I will be in london for 10 year. It’s fine, 1997 is 2o years before. p

Good night.

March 9, 2017

-end-

2C 1S

My bus is coming, talk to you later. (9.22pm)

 

“I always shoot in shallow depth of field. Really really shallow. “

“I like to use what is already there.”

“What are you going to expect the photographer to do? Do you want me to tell you what to do or you want me step back.”

“Practicing, practicing. Learning on you own time. Be confident in front of clients.”

The guest speaker today is a female photographer and really know s about film.

It makes me feel kind of confused because she kind of talked about what I don’t know.

But she makes me feel interested gradually.

To be honest I wasn’t focused  first but    I  like what she talked about because she is not afraid to share her  everything to us. Even some business secrete.

I remember she said ” I am not  nervous about my equipments as mot people like. I don’t mind give it to you.

I trust you.”

then she passed her medium format camera to a person.

Just want to memorize what she said today.

It’s always happened that you see  a scene you like.

You photograph it then see through  histogram,change setting.

Photographing again.

Blur

Change focal point, shoot again.

Still not sure.

When I  come back and see the files from laptop.

The last one not always the best one.

Yes it’s sharp but just can’t get the  same angle as the moment you like at the beginning.

I hope I can do better and better.

“Film makes me be more in moment.”

-end-

I told you I am gonna talk to you now. 🙂

Good night.(12.01am)

Please Play Again.

Tomorrow I am going to be the volunteer as a Score Tabulator for Image Competition 2017.

I accept everything the god gives me.

I am happy to learn photography in Canada.

It’s enough.

The reason why I like moon is because that it is not alway full /

_mg_9907

                                                                          -Good Luck-