June 30, 2017

Half yr has gone.

I just can’t see my future.

I feel difficult to breathe.

How many times. Give me hopes and then it’s nothing.

I have not touched the camera for long.

Tell me how to be strong and brave.

How to build my life.


We went to church on Monday.

The professor told us in most Canadian church weddings,

bride’s mother will light the candles and then bride and  groom will grab one of  candles in each side , lighting the centre candle.)

I finished my last day work at college on last  Friday.

From that moment on Friday, my green keyring holds only one key.

He’s alone.

So do I.

I was late for work again last Tuesday.

Just few minutes.

The room ‘s light was off but the music from computer is on.

They  pretend the didn’t know I was late : )

But they used to remind me do not be late for work. Always.

Get your coffee and bagel before 8 am.

I asked them if I could come at 9am on Friday

I want to make sure I won’t be late in my last day.

And I didn’t.

But the time sheet they didn’t change.

And then I told them .

I signed a lease today.

I am thinking to have a small studio in my future one bedroom apartment.

I  used to  think having my own business is far away from me

right now still

But just give  myself a chance

want to close to what I care




Oh, 1987 is 30 years go. So 1986 will be 31 years ago

He said he has been working here for 31 years.

Recently I always do the math when I work :p


I bought a greeting card today

it said


: )

I’m happy on Saturday


I think I have many words to say

but just hold them too long to say


    Let it all go


“You don’t have to give me 100%, give me 85,

no, 80% is good enough. “


Thank you and thank you and,

thank you.




Have you realized that it has been 20 years since 1997. The guest speaker today was one of the judge in this year’s image competition. What is more interesting is that he was our Fanshawe photography student 20 years ago.

He mentioned a beautiful word called “analog” today. It was just impressed if you heard that how they make the “key line” for their photos when they mounted on the matte boards. Anyway I want to say I was confused yesterday because I did hot mounted and cold mounted together in the same day? And I don’t know how I can finish them… I think I messed up already and I need to go to youtube to learn again soon T_T But I’ve learned a lot from the setting up the gallery show.

Oh.. come back to today’s guest speaker. He’s pretty real person and said what he wants to say. 🙂 That won’t make me feel I want to know his work more. Instead of it, he brought his works created in 20yrs before. From B/W to colour, below average to excellent.

I just feel very cherished that there is a person keeps pieces photos for 20 years, and they look so well, clean and no damage. Don’t you get that? It’s much more worthy then many beautiful words.


“It’s free critic. No one will tell you what’s wrong or good.

When you apply a job, only YES or NO. No reason.”


He also mentioned his study experience in Fanshawe College.


” When I was Fanshawe, it(photography)’s a full analog program.

After that, everything has changed to digital.

My film experience is done.”


How many photographers gave up at that point?


” I really lucky that we had a teacher call.. .

He let everything done in camera.

If off colour, put the gel on there window.

If there is dust, clean it. Not edit in digital(photoshop?).”


” If you really want to be a truly expert in your field,

you need to understand all the related fields.

Like you have to know how to clean product, if you were a

commercial (photographer).

you need to know how to stylize, if you were in interior

design photography.

And make up. What if the make up artist didn’t come out, can

assistant help that?”


” Because understand her(his) market,

you can get consistent business.”


I really like his architecture and automotive work. Because I like these two kinds of photography as well. p I also like portrait. But


” Do you guys like portrait? I hate it.

Because I can’t move (them) around.

I can move products around.

You don’t know their(people) personalities.”


” 3 days work(film) right now probably only 10 mins capture(Digital).”


I always think film will be more and more important again in our photography field. Because digital makes it become simple and easy. I mean compare to film. If your really liked photography, you will probably be involved in film. At least I am think about it. But everything has to be step by step. Digital is a tool for me to learn and practice, and then I can enter the real photography world. I mean, less business, more art. : )

Last night was so quickly. It probably because I went there late. It’s the first time I have my photo be hung up in the gallery. Probably the last time as well. I remembered that day a young female judge wanted to rescore because she thought it was such a beautiful scene.And those other judge said ” It just need more editorial. We’ve seen so many photos of northern light. They are so amazing. This just has to be emphasized. Above average is the score I want to give.”

I was so happy at that moment even it just above average(76) but not good(80). I remember my first year I only got 52 and 69. I don’t have 3rd year. I just hope that I have many many years after school that I still keep in touch with it, even not that kind involve in this photography. You know life just can’t be as perfect as we want. What I can do is that choosing a way that I can accept.

That day there was a fine art student came to for print his photos. I was always thinking I am going to learn fine art or interior design after 3 year work. Just like learning photography. Do what I like but do not expect that it can be your tool for earn your living. Will I be more happy and comfortable to spend time or call it “invest money” in these fields? Yes.

Wow, do I mean that I will be in london for 10 year. It’s fine, 1997 is 2o years before. p

Good night.

March 9, 2017



I was painting the wall in the gallery today.

It’s my first time.

I like it.

I told her that if I was an psychologist, I will suggest them to do painting.

I felt so peaceful when I was doing the painting.

It’s probably because that when you see the wall being pure again,

you feel like that everything has gone away.

New, fresh and clean.

I said that I want to find a job that I can painting the wall.

She said yes you will be a painter or photographer.

Yes I think it’s so amazing when I saw some artists painting in a big wall.

Just now I was doing the translation  for my  landlord.

She’s making an application for her husband’s immigration.

I am not good at doing translation or whatever

but when she said she just need someone to translate the words  behind the photos,

which are used for showing their relationship.

Then I feel so interested^_^

I just think about that

If I had chance to photograph the engagement session for any couples

will they be interested in this way?

Having some words behind the photos?

Or they just bring me back to any places that are so meaningful to them

and then ask me to shoot them in the same places again?

Where they first met where they first dating where they first kissed where she said yes…

She said writing journals is a good way to keep the relationship

because when you read those words you will want to cherish what you’ve done together

in past and right now.


If you could paint your memory, you will love her forever. I think.

If I was a writer,


She’s ok me to photograph and post : )


2C 1S

Photo was created on Dec 7,2016

My bus is coming, talk to you later. (9.22pm)


“I always shoot in shallow depth of field. Really really shallow. “

“I like to use what is already there.”

“What are you going to expect the photographer to do? Do you want me to tell you what to do or you want me step back.”

“Practicing, practicing. Learning on you own time. Be confident in front of clients.”

The guest speaker today is a female photographer and really know s about film.

It makes me feel kind of confused because she kind of talked about what I don’t know.

But she makes me feel interested gradually.

To be honest I wasn’t focused  first but    I  like what she talked about because she is not afraid to share her  everything to us. Even some business secrete.

I remember she said ” I am not  nervous about my equipments as mot people like. I don’t mind give it to you.

I trust you.”

then she passed her medium format camera to a person.

Just want to memorize what she said today.

It’s always happened that you see  a scene you like.

You photograph it then see through  histogram,change setting.

Photographing again.


Change focal point, shoot again.

Still not sure.

When I  come back and see the files from laptop.

The last one not always the best one.

Yes it’s sharp but just can’t get the  same angle as the moment you like at the beginning.

I hope I can do better and better.

“Film makes me be more in moment.”


I told you I am gonna talk to you now. 🙂

Good night.(12.01am)